1. Watch the kettle and it won't boil.
2. In order to get things done, you have to do them. There is just
no getting round it.
3. Look enigmatic and you'll get away with murder.
4. No-one can see dust in candlelight.
4. No-one can see dust in candlelight.
5. Reading the instructions makes all the difference.
6. Commercial air fresheners are the scourge of modern society.
6. Commercial air fresheners are the scourge of modern society.
7. Putting anything from chin hair to your relationship under the scrutiny
of a sixty watt bulb is never a good plan.
Life is best lived in the bliss of dusky oblivion.
8. Lots of things taste better in someone else's house.
9. Cheap jewellery, vintage or otherwise, turns you green.
10. Crawling around on your hands and knees is the only way to
10. Crawling around on your hands and knees is the only way to
uncover buried treasure. Down you get.
11. Wish too hard and it will come true. Then what ya gonna do?
12. Make a date and you will grow a boil on your chin in ample time
to dazzle him.
13. Do the school run looking a mess and you'll find yourself standing
next to the local WAG.
14. It is physically impossible to tickle yourself.
14. It is physically impossible to tickle yourself.
15. Education is a gift.
16. No-one is ever going to take me camping.
17. Even the woman who looks like she lives in a magazine spread
occasionally loses her keys or sprays hair mousse under her arms.
18. The nights I can't wait to get into bed are the nights I'll find myself
suffering restless legs and a busy brain.
19. I like my bed better than any other.
20. Old men with yukky coughs go to public libraries to spread their germs.
21. I am never going to be a lorry driver.
22. If you don't eat you will lose weight.
23. The universe truly is conspiring to make you happy, you just have
to stop getting in it's way.
24. Bed is the best place to be when you are blue.
25. Twenty words are better than ten.
26. A leopard never changes it's spots, but sometimes it can do a
really rather excellent impression of a zebra.
27. Barbed wire isn't impenetrable.
28. Traffic wardens were tell-tales at school.
29. Food is not always the way to a mans heart. Some days
they just aren't hungry.
30. Regret is a waste of energy. Onwards and upwards please.
31. You are never going to see me in a mini-skirt.
32. No-one knows your child better than you do.
33. Even mean people are sad under their skin. There is
always an explanation. A reason.
34. One of your baubles will have smashed in a mysterious fashion
when you come to decorate your tree.
35. You mustn't judge your friends. Even when they say something
that makes you want to smack them.
35. Get carried away with recipes for a dinner party and trust me
you will regret it.
36. Happiness is a choice. You have to choose it.
37. Snobbery is the worst kind of social deviance.
38. When things couldn't be worse you will find solace in poetry.
39. They don't make movies like they used to.
40. I don't really know a thing for sure..!
XX
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